In the adult life of children, bills, and jobs, how are we supposed to date on a regular basis?

We have been married for almost 17 years. Dating wasn’t a priority for us until about 3 years ago when things fell apart. It should have been important but it wasn’t. There are a number of reasons excuses that we came up with but the truth is, we just didn’t think it was important.

It’s true, among other things, we were taking each other for granted so we were heading towards either a legal roommate situation or divorce. Neither of which were options we wanted to consider.
Dating is what got us together so it stands to reason that dating is one of the things that may very well keep us together.

When I was a kid, my grandmother told me that “We make time to do the things we really want to do”. She was right, I just didn’t want to do it bad enough to make it happen.

Regardless, my wife needed me to pursue her – she needed me to date her again. And to be honest, our marriage was pretty lame without a steady date night.

There are a lot of books and resources out there about dating your spouse but I think my wife and I have come up with a simple but great idea:

Jason & Erin from The HookahAffair

Prepare to be overwhelmed by


We have a total for four (4) planned dates per month, 2 “fun” dates and 2 “working” dates.

Working date? Is that an oxymoron?

Nope, it awesome!

The ‘Working Date’

A working date one set aside to work on our marriage.

We can use that time to talk about our finances, our children or to work through any other problem or situation we’re facing in our marriage.

They aren’t always fun but having that time set aside allows us to keep our fun date, well, fun!

The working dates occur every other week and the date is set aside and kept at all costs.

The Fun Date

The “fun” dates works a little different. We have two per month and we are each responsible for planning one of them. That keeps us accountable to one another and it works.

It can be anything: a concert, a comedy club or even a classic movie night at home but here is the rule — The date has to be thoughtfully planned and intentional. “Dinner out” isn’t good enough. To be clear, it has to be planned more than 24 hours in advance.

The date doesn’t have to be expensive, just intentional. Check out some of these ideas for some that are a little different.

The truth is

I’m not a ‘Planner’

We typically end up trying to one-up each other with our dates which really makes date night fun.
I’ll confess, I am not a planner so knowing that I am on the hook for one planned fun date per month keeps me both on my toes and in the bed with my wife.

So, if you are struggling with a regular date night, try enforcing the same rules we have. 2 working dates and 2 fun dates per month. Then make sure you stick to it. You will see the quality of your relationship sky-rocket and you’ll both look forward to trying to outdo one another with your fun dates!

Happy Dating!

P.S. Got a great tip for working dates? Share it with the crew in the comments below:

AFTER A FUN night in?

Real life escape tmb

It’s a fun challenge where you transform your house into an escape game using this Printable Pack


After being married for 17 years we both love to serve and have a heart for the brokenhearted. Each of us having gone through broken childhoods and several years of a broken marriage, desire to help other couples avoid some of our mistakes and to see their marriages flourish.

That is why we started our marriage blog The Hookah Affair. It’s an honest blog about real marriage. We call it the “Hookah”- “Affair” because we credit both the hookah and an affair to saving our marriage! Check out the story.

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