Getting Bored?

You can probably identify with this relationship timeline:

  • After 1 day: you can’t stop thinking about her
  • After 1 year: you still think about her but you’ve remembered there’s other parts to life
  • After 2 years: You’re the best friends of all time… but the feeling like you’ve just gone bungee jumping off the moon is gone and it’s getting a little boring

Don’t worry – you’re not alone! Every guy feels this stale feeling at some point. It’s often when a lot of couples break up

How do we make long term relationships and marriage less stale and get more of the first feelings back? Lets look under the bonnet at what our brains are doing!

Sparkler
tumbleweed
Adventuring Boat

Why we love adventure

When we do things ours brains automatically respond in some way:

  • Close the car door on your finger and it lets you know that’s a bad idea!
  • Find that parking space 10 meters from the cinema and it tells you your a legend!

From releasing hormones to activating neurotoxins it discourages and rewards what you do

When you first start dating, and particularly when you start having sex, your body drops a payload of dopamine, phenylephrine, and norepinephrine into your system. The nearest equivalent is something like running a line of cocaine while hanging off the end of a cliff with no safety gear

Although this would be a truckload of fun if things stayed this way we’d never get anything else done… ever!

To solve this problem your brain releases a lot of these chemicals with new experiences and less for pre-existing ones. It’s because of this that we love trying out new adventures in life. It’s also why relationships feel old after a while

The Downside of Novelty

The novelty high is also a major contributor for why guys ditch the love of their life for the young blond and mortgage the house to by that car

hipster couple piggyback

Long story short… you’re just normal!

It’s just brain chemistry – pure and simple!

The great news is these feelings don’t keep dwindling until they reach 0% – rather they’re always there just to a lower level

You just need to find ways to stimulate those same brain areas again in both of you! It takes time but the marriage boredom does go away!

Here’s how to get your mojo back!

We want to trigger the 3 chemicals mentioned before which makes us feel those first love feelings again. The easiest way to do this is Novelty

Novelty was there on your first date. Novelty was there the first time in the bedroom. Novelty was everywhere! You need to put the hard yards in to bring Novelty back for the long term!

Graph of Awesomeness increasing with Novelity

Date Night

No Golden Rules

There’s no golden rule for how often it has to be but planning ahead gives you a helpful punch in the face if you don’t actually do it!

The novelty king of the hill

Everyone and everything is bound by time so set aside a little on a regular basis to do something new

It doesn’t have to be expensive – just new

Here’s how you can do this:

Step 1: Fight Smarter

Men have been conquering stuff since the beginning of time. Novelty is just a frontier we keep forgetting about because it sneaks up on us and stabs our relationship in the back

The good news is you’re not alone! Almost every man who’s ever walked this here earth has faced the same challenge! So, rather than flying solo, be smart and flog ideas from from someone else!

Manly Man trimming his beard

Here’s 52 epic date nights no one’s ever taken her on:

Calendar of 18 date nights a year

Step 2: Have a strategy

Watching the 300 movie, getting all pumped up and telling yourself I’m going to do an epic date each week really isn’t going to work. Even Leonidas would struggle with this

Instead be smart about and aim to start small and do one date a month. This is totally doable!

Step 3: Make a Date Stash

A Date Stash is all the stuff you need to bust out a fun date night with minimal effort! It comes from the idea of batching effort

For example if you’re going to the store to buy a bottle of wine for a picnic buy 3 more and put the spare in the Date Stash. The next time you need to organize a date and want a bottle it looks as though you made a special trip to the store!

The Date Stash makes arranging dates so much faster!

Great Date Stash ideas

  • Chocolate: never goes astray so stock up!
  • Gift Card: saying sorry and I love you is awesome with a card
  • Little presents: just buy these when you see them even if you don’t have a use for it yet. When you need a gift it’s already sorted!
  • Brown paper: for Present wrapping
  • Wax Seal: for making letters and presents look awesome
  • Ribbon and string: for wrapping presents

All you have to do it start so

Give one of these a go:

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